Asscam

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I’m having that My Brain Is A Day Ahead Syndrome today. You know – when you keep thinking that it’s Friday, but then you come to your senses and realize, “Damn! It’s only Thursday!” And despite that, you keep doing it over and over and a little piece of you dies inside every time you do it, but you keep doing it over and over because you are old and clearly burned off too many brain cells back in college and you keep thinking more and more about maybe calling off tomorrow, since you can’t possibly come in after such a big letdown as “Damn! It’s only Thursday!” even thought you know you wont because you’re a working mom and you know you have to save up your days for more important things like sick kids and doctor’s appointments and hangovers.

Don’t you hate that?

Speaking of doctor’s appointments, I had to take mr b to get the ol’ asscam yesterday. You know what the best part mr b’s colonoscopy is? The fact that it’s his colon getting -oscopied and not mine. He was all loopy from the drugs afterwards and was “joking” around with everyone. Note the quotes. At one point, he slurred to the doctor, “Have you ever found, say, a 2-foot tapeworm in someone?” The doctor said that he hadn’t, but his colleagues had. Then he said, “Thank goodness. I would throw up on the spot.” Now, don’t get me wrong – I would, too. I came near it when the cat got worms (there are few things more disgusting than a still-writhing worm hanging from a cat’s asshole). But it struck me as funny that a man who spends 10-12 hours a day up to his elbows in asshole couldn’t handle the sight of a tapeworm. I’m sure he sees grosser things daily.

Well, now that I’ve induced nausea in at least three of you, I think I’ll take my leave.

Oh – in case you were wondering, mr b’s ass is fine.

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About sugarmag

Forty-sdjhfkjsdhfkjsdh year old mom of 2 - a 18 year old boy and a 11 year old girl. I love them very much, but they drive me crazy. I'm married and work full-time. I'm not sure which of these is the most exhausting, but probably the husband. I'm opinionated. I'm outspoken. I'm loud. I'm an over-sharer. I think Tom Cruise is a jackass. I like to say jackass. I like to swear, period. Fuckers. I love to read. I struggle with my weight. I love my job. I dress my pets up and ridicule them regularly. I am not afraid to cut my hair and I don't understand people who are. I hate getting old. I love to laugh. Make me laugh, OK?

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