Bleh – that about sums up how I’m feeling. Bleh blah blech.

I was home sick for the past few days which always gets me down – more for the use of precious vacation days than the actual sickness. Then, this morning, I watched as my paycheck was direct-deposited, then immediately shuttled out to every bill imaginable, leaving me with nary a cent. I have a reimbursement check coming which was supposed to be deposited on Monday, but a mistake was made (they say mine, I say theirs) and the damned thing got mailed instead of deposited. So now I’m fucked until the check comes, gets deposited, and clears. So bleh.

Also pissing me off today:

The asshole with the following assortment of delightful stickers on his asshole-mobile: “Give war a chance”, “You want my guns? Come get em”, “Peace brought to you through superior firepower”, “F the UN”, and my own personal favorite: “Kill ’em all – Let God sort it out”

My neighbors. I am surrounded by assholes. We have the stuck-up assholes on one side you literally don’t speak to us. They walk around doing yard work and manage to always have their backs turned to us, so they don’t have to acknowledge our existence. And they have been known to completely ignore a sweet toddler saying hi. Also – they once told us we were not allowed to be friends with their dog.

Then we have the dickheads on the other side who let their dickhead dog run free and shit all over our yard and tear up our garbage like a dickhead. And she steals things off our porch and then they act all put out when our stuff ends up in their yard and they have to bring it back. once, they found a doll that they assumed was oours (it wasn’t) and she brought it up and stuck it head first in a bucket of water that was on our proch. If that had been my baby’s doll, I would have cut a bitch. They suck. He’s a dick and she’s a closet drunk. And one day when they cut through my yard to talk to the assholes, I’m going to shoot them. OK, not really. But I might throw rocks. Or poo. Their dog leaves enough of it. The first thing I will do when I win the powerball is get a big-ass fence around my entire property all the way down into the woods so drunky can’t walk through my yard.

Then there are the people across the street. They are actually nice people – the only ones out of all my neighbors that were kind me when mr b was in the hospital/nursing home/wheelchair. However, they currently have a dog that would love to kill and eat you. And it gets loose all the time. It’s obviously tied up, because it will be running around with a collar and rope still attached. But clearly, whoever is doing the tying is either a) a double hand-amputee, b) Johnny Tremain, c) retarded, or d) subconsciously trying to rid themselves of the beast (understandable). My last encounter with Lord Voldemort involved him chasing me around my tree while I distracted him from my terrified children, protecting myself with the only thing nearby – a garbage can lid – and screaming like a banshee. In the past, I have also warded him off with Mr. Clean, bleach, and a 10-foot tree trimmer. Normally, I’d be stirring up all kinds of shit. But folks? These are the good neighbors.

The Standoff – see, mr b and I are having a standoff in our house right now. Four weeks and four days ago, he made chili to take into the office for the weekly staff meeting (they take turns). Why do I know exactly how long it has been., you ask? That would be because the chili that overflowed onto my nice stove is still on my nice stove. I asked him to clean it up and he said he would. And I didn’t push it because I know it’s a pain (I did the same thing the week before). But then a few days went by. And then a week. I mentioned it to him again. He’ll do it. Another week. Pleaded. He’ll do it. After three weeks, I told him that under no circumstances was I ever going to be cleaning that chili off the stove. Ever!

At this point, his defense was along the lines of “I’m doing the best I can” (no – he’s not – at least when it comes to that chili) and “You know, I have so much work to do in this house” (yes – he does. There’s trim and painting and beams and staining and a million other things. But none of them have even the slightest thing to do with the fact that hot chili all over the stove and didn’t clean it. For three weeks). So now, here we are at almost five weeks and still my stove looks like a frat house stove. I have cleaned the kitchen many times in the interim, scouring everything but the stovetop. I refuse.

Does anyone remember the Everybody Loves Raymond episode with the suitcase*? Please tell me you do. Because this is my life right now. Except not funny. Part of me would love to just clean it and be done, already. But I can not. I am not the maid and I refuse to behave like I am. If he doesn’t care about it, then I will pretend like I don’t either. Like my kids, he has become accustomed to me giving in and doing it myself and I have news, kids – those days are over. And he sure as hell needs to realize that saying you will do something does not count as actually doing it.

*Oh – and speaking of suitcases, we have three in our bedroom that are taking up space, but haven’t been unpacked (his stuff). They’ve been there for months. And he keeps saying “We need to put those suitcases away.” Riiiiight. . .we. I’m getting the cheese.

I could go on and on about the pissed-off-ed-ness, but I realized that I haven’t shared my one tiny bit of good news: I am down 18 pounds! Woo-hoo. Only 53.4 more to go! Woo. . . . bleh.

About sugarmag

Forty-sdjhfkjsdhfkjsdh year old mom of 2 - a 18 year old boy and a 11 year old girl. I love them very much, but they drive me crazy. I'm married and work full-time. I'm not sure which of these is the most exhausting, but probably the husband. I'm opinionated. I'm outspoken. I'm loud. I'm an over-sharer. I think Tom Cruise is a jackass. I like to say jackass. I like to swear, period. Fuckers. I love to read. I struggle with my weight. I love my job. I dress my pets up and ridicule them regularly. I am not afraid to cut my hair and I don't understand people who are. I hate getting old. I love to laugh. Make me laugh, OK?

7 responses »

  1. Oh, I so needed to read that. I feel better myself just for having read your vent. I have been dying to do a big venting post about my STUPID husband, but I can’t because apparently his entire office reads my blog. Yeah. So, thank you for venting. It made me feel better. LOL. And don’t you dare touch the chili. I’m currently in a standoff-ish kind of thing regarding the brakes on my van. Over a month ago my husband said they were SO BAD that we could not take it out of town for the weekend and ended up all cramped in his car. But, I’m driving it now every day with his children in it. And we have a 1000 mile trip coming up in 2 weeks. Think he’ll change the brakes? NO! Ok. Thanks. Bye.

  2. Oh what AWFUL neighbors you have! I sometimes hate my situation (a large apartment building) but at least none of our neighbors are that bad. There is the one guy below us that has complained about us being “too loud” twice to the management…just ridiculous. How loud could we possibly be? We have a BABY! Anyway. Sorry to hear about all that. And yeah, don’t touch the chili. Let it sit until when he finally cleans it he has to scrub and scrub and scrub and scrub.

  3. wait, are you DearDR’s second wife? because this sounds like similar sh… stuff, I mean, that goes on in my house. And it would explain those long hours…anyhoo, I was laughing this whole post while also thinking, “you know, it’s not funny. you’re going through the same thing!” and maybe that’s why I’m laughing — in relief for not being alone.And I’m so sorry your neighbors blow. anything you can do about the dog poop? fines? anything? ’cause that is not fun to clean off toddler shoes.don’t clean the chili! down with the man!ciao,rpm

  4. I love your rants. They are awesome. If I were you (which I am clearly not) I would still talk to the really good neighbours about their very awful dog. It’s just in how you do it. They actually could be *hoping* for someone to say something about their dog so that they actually do something about it. Just don’t do it right after the dog tries to eat your kids. Also (because I’m feeling chatty), my mom’s way of dealing with the inability of some people to actually clean up after themselves was to take the offending item and place it on the offending person’s bed. Dirty pots and pans? Oh yes, they ended up on my brothers bed. I don’t know what she did for my dad since clearly putting them on his bed would mean she’d pay the price as well. Sigh. This won’t really work in your situation what with the offending item not being an object but rather a piece of food but maybe something will come up in the future? hahaha.Good luck!

  5. Thanks a lot…I was laughing so hard I peed a little bit (I think) reading this post…I’m off to the shower…and then you have inspired me to leave a flaming bag of dog crap on my shitty neighbors porch…

  6. PS. I’m way new to this bloging subculture and have added you to my blogroll list. I hope you don’t mind as I have no clue what my reader demographic is…or if anyone even reads it at all…

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