1. What’s something really, really stupid you’ve done that could easily have resulted in your own death?
I’ve done a lot of stupid things, but definitely I’d have to say drinking and driving. And you can’t imagine how it pains me to admit that. I’m ashamed and I should be. These days, I am a very adamant and vocal opponent of drinking and driving. I think people who do so are selfish, stupid assholes who deserve serious criminal charges and major jail time. But there was a time when I occasionally did it. I was young and stupid and invincible and “not that drunk.” Or so I thought. The last time I did it – many, many years ago, I remember driving home and actually seeing double. I had to close one eye to stay in my lane. And it scared the shit out of me. Now – I won’t drive if I have been drinking. I will occasionally have a beer or glass of wine or two over the course of the entire evening, but mostly I don’t drink at all if I have to drive. And I will fight you tooth and nail to make sure you don’t either. In fact, I don’t even really like being on the roads late at night on weekends or holidays simply because I know there area lot of people out there who “aren’t that drunk.”
2. What makes you feel stupid?
Not a lot, truthfully. I know I am not stupid and I don’t generally get my self-confidence (other than body image) from outside sources. Mostly, what makes me feel stupid is when I act impulsively and hurt someone’s feelings. Because speaking before you think is stupid. And lord know I have done it enough. And had it done to me. And it’s STUPID.
3. What’s something that’s stupid in a very smart way?
Men and their helpless bullshit. Mr b can build an entire house from the ground up, can replicate a piece of 18th century piece of furniture that would fool all but an expert, and CAN DO ALGEBRA. But somehow he can’t manage to notice his underwear on the bathroom floor, wouldn’t know the kids’ homeroom number or class schedule if it were tattooed on his ass, or remember to CLOSE THE GODDAMN PACAKGE OF HAMBURGER BUNS FOR ONCE IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE!! Stupid? Or Genius?
4. What’s an example of a stupid idea working out in a way that solved a problem?
Dude. Two words – duct tape.
Otherwise, my stupidity usually stays stupid. Although, that one time when I was having an excruciating gallbladder attack and I begged my coworker to hit me on the head with a giant can of soup to knock me out? If she wouldn’t have pussed out and called 911, that would have fit perfectly. Stupid? Yes. But I would have been out cold and not feeling the pain anymore, so – Problem Solved.
5. There is apparently a brand of packaged popcorn called Smartfood. What might be found in the package labeled Stupidfood?
Probably all of my favorite stuff. Like Cheetos. And marshmallows. And Coke. And Twizzlers. And fried stuff. And cheese sauce. And rum. Mmmmm. . .rum.