Monday, Already?


Where the hell did the weekend go? I swear, this weekend was so busy that it flew by.

Friday night, I had the Burgh Moms (& dads) dinner, which was tons of fun, as always. Except for the part where we had to wait almost an hour to be seated for our seven o’clock reservation. Now I thought the whole purpose of a reservation system was to avoid waiting for a table. But I’m all wild and crazy like that. I finally went up to complain (probably embarrassing the other Burgh Moms in the process, but they know by now what to expect from me – I own my inner [OK, outer] bitch), and upon asking when in the name of holy blue fuck we’d begetting our table, since we had been waiting 40 minutes, the hostess with the leastest sighed and rolled her eyes at me and said, well, it was a large party request. To which I replied, “exactly. Thus the reservation. Jeez. But once we were finally seated, it was all good times. The food was very good and the beer was awesome. Appropriately, I had a beer called Beelzebub. The company was interesting and fun and funny, of course, and I love them. Even if they are all a part of some vast conspiracy and using a smaller font on their blogs every day. It’s the only explanation for my difficulty reading of late. Because I can not possibly need reading glasses, dammit!!

It wasn’t until 10:15 pm that I set out for the hour-long drive home. But not before I stopped for gas. And then got a call from mr b reminding me that I promised to stop at the store and get home some distilled water for his apnea machine. Needless to say, it was midnight before I got to bed. I didn’t even rink any of the growler I brought home, which should tell you how tired I was.


Saturday, I had to get up at 5:30 to get ready to go to a makeup event at Macy’s. I had to pick up Hedge and Rapunzel in time to drive to the North Hills and check in before 8:00. It was a fun day, though. They gave us a Panera breakfast and lots of free makeup and perfume goodies. Who doesn’t love that? Then we had a delicious lunch at Aladdin’s before heading home so we could get ready to head back out to Hedge’s son Squidward’s birthday party.

It was a skating party and since, in my mind, I can still do all the things I did when I was 13, I got me some wheels. Did you ever notice how in your head you can do just about everything? I can totally – in my mind, of course – still do back handsprings on the beam, and two and a half reverse pike with a full twist from the 3 meter springboard. In real life, however, I would probably break 14 bones and drown. But by God, I was going to roller-skate!

I actually did pretty well, though. I am steady on my feet wheels, can go pretty fast, etc. I can’t skate backwards anymore, though. I don’t even remember how. But one thing I could do as a kid that I can’t do now is not give a shit if I plow into someone. So when I saw a kid in my peripheral vision careening out of control toward me, I tried to get out of the way so as not to fall on him and perhaps kill him. The good news is that I did not, in fact, smash a child. The bad news is that I was going really fast at the time and I stumbled. Remember physics class?

A body in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted on by an outside force

Well, consider me that body. The “outside force” would be the skating rink floor. But I didn’t just fall. I went down in a flying, rolling, skidding, America’s Funniest Home Videos extravaganza of a fall. It was spectacular! Seriously. I wish I had a video to post since I have no shame. But I’m sure you can imagine it. It looked pretty much like you would expect a fat, middle-aged lady* flying through the air and rolling 10 feet across a wood floor to look.

But I had fun, even if one part of knee hurts even when my clothes touch it, and another part of my knee has no feeling whatsoever. I’ll try just about anything. I don’t know if that makes me brave or stupid.

*Also – “lady?” HAHAHAHAHAHA


And then Sunday, we had a birthday p[arty at a neighbor’s house and when walked home, carrying some birthday cake, the wind picked up and MY CAKE BLEW AWAY!

That sucked.


About sugarmag

Forty-sdjhfkjsdhfkjsdh year old mom of 2 - a 18 year old boy and a 11 year old girl. I love them very much, but they drive me crazy. I'm married and work full-time. I'm not sure which of these is the most exhausting, but probably the husband. I'm opinionated. I'm outspoken. I'm loud. I'm an over-sharer. I think Tom Cruise is a jackass. I like to say jackass. I like to swear, period. Fuckers. I love to read. I struggle with my weight. I love my job. I dress my pets up and ridicule them regularly. I am not afraid to cut my hair and I don't understand people who are. I hate getting old. I love to laugh. Make me laugh, OK?

2 responses »

  1. I don’t suppose you watch “How I Met Your Mother?” Last night’s episode was about a list of things that you can no longer do past age 30, like pull an all nighter, dye your hair a weird color, sleep on a friend’s futon, etc. Barney decided to do everything on the list in 24 hours. I nearly peed my pants laughing. So, would roller skating be on your list now? Too bad there’s no video.

  2. I taught midddle school for nine years before kids…and every year we would go roller skating for an end-of-the-year party…and every year I would have one major wipe out.The last one left me with a bruise, the size of my head, on my knee.But it was HILARIOUS to see the kids laughing!!! Completely worth it. 🙂

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