The Most Fun I Had All Week


Ring Ring


May I speak to Gina?

This is Gina.

Hi Gina, My name is James and I am calling from Idiots Believe This Is Real Sweepstakes and I am calling to let you know that you have been entered in our Dreams Come True contest and…

Is this Disney?

No, as I said, I am with Idiots Believe This Is Real Sweepstakes and I am calling to let you know that you have been entered in our Dreams Come True contest, where someone will win…

You know, Disney might get mad about the Dreams Come True thing.

Um, well our sweepstakes is for $25,000 and we wanted to tell you the good news…

I WON??? Oh my God, I can’t believe this!! I’m going to Disney World!

No, ma’am, I’m sorry, you didn’t win yet, but you might. We have you entered…

David. Did you say your name was David?

Nom ma’am, it’s…

OK, David, see – you should probably stop telling people that there is good news in the same breath as $25,000 dollars.

I’m sorry ma’am. But the goods news is that you will be receiving a diamond watch and several magazines for free for 60 months!

Wow, that IS good news. What magazines?

We’ll start off with Cooking Country, and Cosmopolitan, and then you can add or change magazines any time by calling our 800 number. You just need…

Do you have guns and ammo?

I’m not sure, but we’ll be sending…

Taxidermy weekly?

As I said…

Oooo – what about Cat Fancy? I love Cat Fancy!

I’m sorry, Gina, I’m not sure which magazines we have but we will send you a large catalog that you can look for all your favorites in…

I hope there’s Cat Fancy.

So you like animals?

Not really.

Um…OK…Now I’d like to ask you a few short survey questions, Gina.

Sure, David.

What do you like to do for hobbies?

I like to read.

Great – what do you normally read?

Cat Fancy.

OK, magazines.

Do you like the outdoors – do you ever go camping?


Do you watch sports?


What sports do you watch?

Football and hockey.

What is your favorite football team?

The Steelers.

Really? Me too! I love the Steelers.

Wow! That’s awesome, David! You’re smart. I’m a huge fan. I know practically everything about the Steelers.

Me too. Do you remember Jerome Bettis?


Jerome Bettis.

Doesn’t ring a bell.

You know – he played for the Steelers. Took them to the Superbowl? He’s a sportscaster now?


They called him The Bus?

You mean The Refrigerator?

No – The Bus.

David, you must be getting confused.

Um…OK. Uh, anyway, do you like to exercise?

Hell no.

And do you like to shop? Haha – what woman doesn’t like to shop, right?

What?? That’s sexist!!

What? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…

David, I can’t believe you’d let me down this way after all we’ve been through. It’s OVER, David!



About sugarmag

Forty-sdjhfkjsdhfkjsdh year old mom of 2 - a 18 year old boy and a 11 year old girl. I love them very much, but they drive me crazy. I'm married and work full-time. I'm not sure which of these is the most exhausting, but probably the husband. I'm opinionated. I'm outspoken. I'm loud. I'm an over-sharer. I think Tom Cruise is a jackass. I like to say jackass. I like to swear, period. Fuckers. I love to read. I struggle with my weight. I love my job. I dress my pets up and ridicule them regularly. I am not afraid to cut my hair and I don't understand people who are. I hate getting old. I love to laugh. Make me laugh, OK?

12 responses »

  1. HAHAHAH! I nearly choked on my coffee – that is GREAT! How do you think on your feet like that? (And you know that watch wasn't diamonds, it was 100% genuine diamels, right??)

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