It’s All Downhill From Here


It started earlier this year – I noticed that when faced with teeny tiny print, it seemed like my eyes took a couple seconds to focus. It wasn’t a big deal, though – after a split second, I could see just fine. Then in October, I took Hedge out to dinner for her birthday. The restaurant was dim and when they brought the menus, Hedge and I looked at them, then looked at each other and laughed – we’re old, haha, we can’t see, heehee. It was funny at the time – a joke (this may have something to do with the mojitos).

Then just after the first of the year, I got the plague flu and found myself camped out on the couch with tea and blankets and approximately 15 different over-the-counter medications. All of which have teeny, tiny print. I laid there on my deathbed sickbed and tried to figure out if I needed one pill or two, if I could take it again in four hours or six. And I couldn’t. I seriously could not read the backs of those pill bottles. But I wrote it off as the lighting – it was dim in the room. Yeah – that’s it.

Earlier this month, I got a new cell phone. I love it especially because I can check my email and catch up on twitter, etc when I don’t feel like pulling the laptop out. I would sit here for hours in the evening, reading emails and blogs while I watched TV. And then suddenly I couldn’t see the teeny tiny words anymore. And I DO mean suddenly – as in one day I could see it just fine and the next, I couldn’t.

As I sat here in shock that my eyes could fail me so quickly, I noticed that my aunt had left a pair of reading glasses on my coffee table.


I thought about it, then rejected it. I do NOT need reading glasses. Then about an hour later, I tried again. And still, I couldn’t see it. And I thought, well, maybe. Maybe I’ll just try them, so I can prove that they are too much, that I won’t be able to see with them ON. I don’t need reading glasses.

I think we all know where this is going, don’t we?

I put those glasses on and I swear, I heard angels singing. It was like the heavens opened up and bestowed on me PERFECT VISION.

Sigh. It’s all downhill from here.


About sugarmag

Forty-sdjhfkjsdhfkjsdh year old mom of 2 - a 18 year old boy and a 11 year old girl. I love them very much, but they drive me crazy. I'm married and work full-time. I'm not sure which of these is the most exhausting, but probably the husband. I'm opinionated. I'm outspoken. I'm loud. I'm an over-sharer. I think Tom Cruise is a jackass. I like to say jackass. I like to swear, period. Fuckers. I love to read. I struggle with my weight. I love my job. I dress my pets up and ridicule them regularly. I am not afraid to cut my hair and I don't understand people who are. I hate getting old. I love to laugh. Make me laugh, OK?

10 responses »

  1. I feel ya. I'm rapidly approaching the point where my eyes will be bad enough that I won't be able to wear contact lens, which I've worn since college. Dreading going back to glasses.

  2. I am heading that way…today I caught myself moving my phone back a few inches because it was more comfortable to read it-not that I couldn't read it closer-but my eyes were…um..straining. I have noticed digital screens are causing me issues…it takes a sec to adjust every so often-and 2 weeks ago at a bar I could not read the entire set list on a screen-only parts of it. With parents and grandparents with TRI-focals I know I am doomed. I dread the day contacts are no longer the only thing i need–or no longer can wear them.

  3. Join the Bifocal Club. I joined in July and I can see again! I never wore glasses a day in my life, until at 42 I realized I couldn't see up close. I do have the glasses, but hate them since you have to move your head to see out of the proper area for the depth you are looking. Bausch and Lomb have multi focal contacts and they have rocked my world. Go for a check up and get a trial pair. You will love them.

  4. I'm quickly getting there. The kids are forever jamming things in my face, and I'm asking them to step back a few paces so I can read for crying out loud. I blame my arms. They're just not long enough.

  5. Same thing here… right down to the restaurant scene. I couldn't see a THING and ended up ordering what I heard everyone else talking about. I feel like I lost it literally overnight. Bright side? I now have some super cute Prada reading glasses! Now if could just find them …

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