I am Lame



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OK – here are ten of the many, many reasons I am lame:

1. The most exciting thing that happened to me this weekend was my sense of smell coming back for a few hours.

2. Earlier this week, I was ma’am-ed by a guy who was at least 30. I am old and lame.

3. I am becoming that person at work who complains about how hot and/or cold it is in the office. And lucky me, our office is both. IN the morning, it’s freezing – even with a blanket and space heater. But by lunch, it’s getting warm. By mid afternoon, it’s at least 76 degrees in here. Now, 76 degrees might not sound like much to you young folks, but trust me – to a tired, cranky, middle aged woman? 76 degrees = SURFACE OF THE SUN.

4. To keep warm in my (currently freezing) office, I am using a NASCAR blanket. With Tony Stewart on it! It’s pink!! There are several things wrong with this.

5. I am also turning into that person we all know that can’t stop talking about their health. Actually, I take that back. I am using all my energy to NOT turn into that person. But it’s hard when you’ve been sick for 3 months straight. When you have had the flu, pneumonia, several colds, a never-ending cough, a sinus infection, ear infections, and a serious hearing loss, as well as loss of smell and taste, there’s pretty much not much else to talk about.

6. Along with blogging, I have been mostly absent from twitter and facebook, too. Most nights, I just don’t feel like even turning on my computer – Though in retrospect, it may be toe to consider professional help when turning on a computer is too exhausting. And while I can access it on my phone, I am old and lame and can’t see that tiny screen. And who knows where the reading glasses are.

7. I have already started listening to the All-Christmas-Music-All-The-Time station. And cried at least twice over some sappy Christmas song (though not those fucking Christmas Shoes – though it wants to be a tearjerker, it only serves to make me commit murder).

8. I haven’t been seeing or talking to my friends much lately, which makes me sad. And yet…I haven’t been seeing or talking to my friends much lately. I miss Rapunzel and Hedge and Tee and all of you. And yet…

9. I often try to be all badass and fail miserably. I get frustrated with someone treating me poorly, so I decide fuck it – I’m treating them the same way. And then when I do, I feel bad for treating them poorly. I fail at badass.

10. The other day, I had a really vivid dream. About math. Did you get that? MATH! In my dreams. The place where I can create the perfect fantasy. Where I can be anyone and do anything. I should have been rich, or off somewhere exotic making a George Clooney/Tom Selleck/Kix Brooks dirty sandwich, or at the very least, I SHOULD HAVE BEEN FLYING. But instead, I was very thrillingly calculating the speed at which a penny dropped off the USX building will hit the ground (why, oh, why does 9.8m/s2 stay with me?) And – hold your excitement – converting Celsius to Fahrenheit. And back again, of course – it’s all fun and games around here. I feel like I should call up my old physics teacher and say, “You were right! I am using this stuff in life!” but he’d probably be all, “LAME!”



About sugarmag

Forty-sdjhfkjsdhfkjsdh year old mom of 2 - a 18 year old boy and a 11 year old girl. I love them very much, but they drive me crazy. I'm married and work full-time. I'm not sure which of these is the most exhausting, but probably the husband. I'm opinionated. I'm outspoken. I'm loud. I'm an over-sharer. I think Tom Cruise is a jackass. I like to say jackass. I like to swear, period. Fuckers. I love to read. I struggle with my weight. I love my job. I dress my pets up and ridicule them regularly. I am not afraid to cut my hair and I don't understand people who are. I hate getting old. I love to laugh. Make me laugh, OK?

4 responses »

  1. Long time lurker…can't remember if I've posted before, but…I think I love you. I hope you're ok with that. I'm "only" 32 and I'm lame so you should feel good about toughing it out.

  2. HIGH FIVE on the stupid temperature swings at the office. i have a snuggie that i bought specifically to wear at the office which stays here permanently. people make fun of me but HEY AT LEAST I CAN FEEL MY ARMS NOW.

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