This weekend, mr b and I enjoyed a nice getaway. I was lucky enough to win a weekend trip to Seven Springs from 96.1 Kiss (I won it on twitter, resulting in a hilarious conversation with my mother where I tried to explain what twitter is – good times). All in all, it was a great time – we got away from the house and the kids and the farting, pooping, destructive beasts. We got a bunch of awesome free stuff. We had lots of good meals and a ton of free beer (YAY!).
I got to people watch, which is always fun. Especially when there is Crazy in attendance and let me tell you – this trip did not disappoint. The night we had passes to a lounge with a live band, Crazy was in the house. My personal favorites were: Peek-a-Boobs (who “danced” with every guy she could get her hands on and then gave one “lucky” gentleman a lap dance and then – true story – spent some time licking his face and bald head; Captain Skanky (who was dressed like a deranged pirate); 80’s Dude (complete with cut off t-shirt); Fu-Manchu Mustache; Girl Who Left Her Spanx on the Bathroom Floor; Tambourine Chick; Sequined Shirt…Dress…Wait, that’s a scarf…no a shirt…Wait – it’s attached? WTF?; At Least 40, But Still Wearing His High School Letter Jacket & Hoodie; Guy Who Kept Screaming “38 Special!” at the Band All Damned Night; and Drunk Dancing Guy (who got right next to our table and did some kind of solo version of the forbidden dance, took off his hat, swirled it around in the air and then SLAMMED IT on our table before charging the dance floor). I was in Crazy People Heaven!
The downside of the weekend was that it seemed to be part of a vast conspiracy to make me feel old. To wit:
*The morning to night free beer wore me out much faster than it did “back in the day”
* I talked to a young guy who asked how we won the contest and when I told him on twitter, he replied, “YOU have a twitter account? I don’t even have a twitter account. The unspoken “But you’re so old” came through loud and clear.
*Skiing – Good lord the skiing nearly killed me. Don’t get me wrong – I loved it. I used to be a pretty accomplished skier (having learned from my dad when I was very young), and I skied several times a week all through my teens. I went as often as I could in my twenties, but then life and kids and money (and a spectacular crash resulting in a snapped-in-half boot) got in the way, and I just never made it out to the slopes again. It had been about ten years since I had been on skis and I was nervous. First, I had to wait in the ENDLESS, ANNOYING, BLISTERINGLY HOT rental lines, the whole time my leg muscles burning just from standing in ski boots (next time, I am renting before I get there). Plus everything had changed so much since the last time I was there that I spent about 15 minutes at the bottom of the mountain trying to figure out where to go, which lift to take and to psych myself up. The good news is that after all the fretting and stressing (and wondering if I was going to be the one that falls getting off the lift, causing the whole thing to shut down), as soon as I got on the slopes, it was like I never stopped skiing. It all came back to me. I knew what I was doing! I felt like a teenager again! That is, I did for approximately 4 minutes, at which time my thighs started screaming something like “Ouuuuuch” (and shortly afterward morphed into “OuuuuuchMOTHERFUCKER!”) and my knees just looked at each other and said, “Bitch CRAZY!” But even though I could only do two runs at a time and had to rest in-between, and even though I stuck to trails, rather than the black diamond slopes of my youth (I may be crazy, but I’m not stupid, I had a great time. The weather was amazing, the conditions were perfect, the solitude was awesome (mr b didn’t ski), and I loved it. I can’t wait to go again (though it might not be until next year).
*In addition to the long lines and sweltering heat of the rental lines, I also had to REPORT MY WEIGHT!
*Aaaaand when I got my printed rental ticket, I discovered that their program uses only the year of birth to calculate how old you are and it ROUNDED UP MY AGE!
*The following sentence may have possibly passed through my lips, “Three dollars for a bottle of Coke? I remember when it was a damned quarter!”
But the best part of the weekend was the random acts of kindness that I got to do. The sponsors of the contest gave each of us a book of passes for activities like skiing, tubing, bowling, skating, mini-golf, meals, drinks, parties, etc. And no one (especially anyone my advanced age) could fit all of it into the weekend (after which the passes expired). So mr b and I had a great time picking out non-jackhole people to give them to. I loved seeing the look on people’s face when they realized they didn’t have to shell out an arm and a leg for a lift ticket, or that they could surprise their kids with tubing or bowling or skating. It made an old lady’s weekend.