No Dogs Allowed


The puppy (I have a hard time calling him that because he’s an enormous beast) – who was suspiciously not in his crate – wandered into the bedroom last night and jumped up on the bed with me. I was too lazy tired to get up and put him in the crate, so I figured, what the hell, I’ll let him sleep in here with me tonight. Big mistake. Because while I got in bed thinking, “Ahhh…sleep”, he was thinking something a little more like this:

“I’m in the bed! IN THE BED!! Wooo!!!! First I think I’ll run over her! And then over here! And here! And wheee – I’m over here now!! WOOOOO! I can jump! Yay, jumping! Jump! Jump! Jump! JUMP!! Wait, what’s that? Grrrr…woof! Hey! I’m on the bed! Wooooo! I love the bed! It’s for bouncing! BOUNCE! BOUNCE! This is fun! Wheeee! A CAT! YAY! Jump! Bounce! I’m on this side! Now I’m on this side! Whoa – TAIL! Get it! Get it! Get it! GOT IT!! Around and around and around and around and around! Where’d it go? THERE! POUNCE!! I think I’ll lay down now. THUMP! Mmmmmm…my toenails! Chomp crunch crunch CHOMP CRUNCH! What’s that? What is it?? SOMEONE’S FOOT! GET IT!! Jump JUMP POUNCE! Grrr! My BUTT! Lick! Slurp! Lick! Licklicklicklicklick! BURP! I wonder if I can roll over my person? OMG! FUN!! Roll roll roll rollrollrollROLLROLLROLL! WHEEEEEE!!! Hey! I’m back on this side again! Now this side! Now this side! WOOOOOO!!!!!

Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep. Let’s see if he cares:

That’s what I thought.



About sugarmag

Forty-sdjhfkjsdhfkjsdh year old mom of 2 - a 18 year old boy and a 11 year old girl. I love them very much, but they drive me crazy. I'm married and work full-time. I'm not sure which of these is the most exhausting, but probably the husband. I'm opinionated. I'm outspoken. I'm loud. I'm an over-sharer. I think Tom Cruise is a jackass. I like to say jackass. I like to swear, period. Fuckers. I love to read. I struggle with my weight. I love my job. I dress my pets up and ridicule them regularly. I am not afraid to cut my hair and I don't understand people who are. I hate getting old. I love to laugh. Make me laugh, OK?

3 responses »

  1. You need a small dog like Jellybean. The only time you know he's in bed is when there is a thunderstorm. Then he tries to sit on your head.

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