Saturday night I got home later than I had planned, so mr b and I decided that instead of cooking, we would order some sandwiches from one of the local pizza shops. The exchange between me, my husband and the pizza shop employee has proven my hypothesis that some people are just too stupid for words. I swear to you – this actually happened!
Me: Hi, I’d like to order a whole mushroom cheesesteak with lettuce, tomatoes and dressing…
Pizza Shop Guy: Ummmm…..
PSG: Yeah, um…I’m not finding that on the menu.
PSG: Yeah – I don’t know what that is.
Me: A cheesesteak.
PSG: Yeah. We don’t have that.
Me: You don’t have cheesesteaks? The thing we order all the time?
PSG: I don’t see it here.
Me: You do have cheesesteaks.
PSG: Um…OK…what do you want, then?
Me: a whole mushroom cheesesteak with lettuce, tomatoes and dressing…
Me: Yeah – Italian dressing.
PSG: OK. A salad with steak and dressing and lettuce.
Me: Yeah, and I also need…Wait, what? Not a salad.
PSG: You said dressing.
Me: On my cheesesteak.
PSG: Your what?
PSG: I can’t find that on the menu. We don’t have that.
Me: YOU DO HAVE THAT
PSG (now getting pissy because I am stupid): I’m sorry but it’s not on the menu and I don’t know what that is!
Me: You don’t know what a cheesesteak is?
PSG: It’s not on our menu.
Me: It IS on your menu, and it’s a sandwich! A Hoagie! With steak and cheese!
PSG”: Oh, OK – what do you want on that?
Me: Mushrooms, lettuce, tomatoes and dressing.
PSG: OK, that doesn’t come with mushrooms.
Me: I am asking you to put them on! Please!
PSG: Cheese hoagie with lettuce, tomatoes…
Me: NO! Not a cheese hoagie! A cheesesteak hoagie. With mushrooms and lettuce and dressing. And steak and cheese!
PSG: I don’t think we have that.
At this point, I handed the phone to mr b so I could get my shoes on, drive down there and beat this jackass senseless.
Mr b: Hello?
PSG: I can’t find that on the menu.
Mr b: We order from you guys all the time. You DO have this on the menu.
PSG: I don’t think we do.
Mr b: Are you new? Is there someone else that can talk to me?
PSG: If you can hang on for a few minutes.
Mr b: Really? OK – listen – this is what we want: a whole mushroom cheesesteak with lettuce, tomatoes and dressing…
Mr b: OMG
PSG: Yeah – I’m not sure if we can make that.
Mr b: Seriously, are you new?
PSG: I’m new here, but I have been in this business for a while.
Mr b & Me: HEADS EXPLODE!!!!!