Monthly Archives: January 2012

An Actual Conversation I Actually Had with an Actual Pizza Shop Employee


Saturday night I got home later than I had planned, so mr b and I decided that instead of cooking, we would order some sandwiches from one of the local pizza shops. The exchange between me, my husband and the pizza shop employee has proven my hypothesis that some people are just too stupid for words. I swear to you – this actually happened!

Me: Hi, I’d like to order a whole mushroom cheesesteak with lettuce, tomatoes and dressing…

Pizza Shop Guy: Ummmm…..

Me: Hello?

PSG: Yeah, um…I’m not finding that on the menu.

Me: Huh?

PSG: Yeah – I don’t know what that is.

Me: A cheesesteak.

PSG: Yeah. We don’t have that.

Me: ?????

PSG: Hello?

Me: You don’t have cheesesteaks? The thing we order all the time?

PSG: I don’t see it here.

Me: You do have cheesesteaks.

PSG: Um…OK…what do you want, then?

Me: a whole mushroom cheesesteak with lettuce, tomatoes and dressing…

PSG: Dressing?

Me: Yeah – Italian dressing.

PSG: OK. A salad with steak and dressing and lettuce.

Me: Yeah, and I also need…Wait, what? Not a salad.

PSG: You said dressing.

Me: On my cheesesteak.

PSG: Your what?

Me: Cheesesteak!

PSG: I can’t find that on the menu. We don’t have that.


PSG (now getting pissy because I am stupid): I’m sorry but it’s not on the menu and I don’t know what that is!

Me: You don’t know what a cheesesteak is?

PSG: It’s not on our menu.

Me: It IS on your menu, and it’s a sandwich! A Hoagie! With steak and cheese!

PSG”: Oh, OK – what do you want on that?

Me: Mushrooms, lettuce, tomatoes and dressing.

PSG: OK, that doesn’t come with mushrooms.

Me: I am asking you to put them on! Please!

PSG: Cheese hoagie with lettuce, tomatoes…

Me: NO! Not a cheese hoagie! A cheesesteak hoagie. With mushrooms and lettuce and dressing. And steak and cheese!

PSG: I don’t think we have that.


At this point, I handed the phone to mr b so I could get my shoes on, drive down there and beat this jackass senseless.

Mr b: Hello?

PSG: I can’t find that on the menu.

Mr b: We order from you guys all the time. You DO have this on the menu.

PSG: I don’t think we do.

Mr b: Are you new? Is there someone else that can talk to me?

PSG: If you can hang on for a few minutes.

Mr b: Really? OK – listen – this is what we want: a whole mushroom cheesesteak with lettuce, tomatoes and dressing…

PSG: Um…

Mr b: OMG

PSG: Yeah – I’m not sure if we can make that.

Mr b: Seriously, are you new?

PSG: I’m new here, but I have been in this business for a while.

Mr b & Me: HEADS EXPLODE!!!!!



On New Years Day, for the third year in a row, I got up at an ungodly hour and drove into the city to meet up with my fellow crazy people and jump into the freezing cold Monongahela River. And as always, I am glad I did. It maye seem crazy to some (hell – it seems crazy to me – if you want to know the reason why I do it, that story is here), but it’s an awesome way to start off the new year – by doing something wild and ballsy and adventurous and invigorating and yes – crazy. I intend to keep on doing it every year. In fact, 8 year old Emily told me she needs to do it with me next year. We’ll see how she feels at disgustingly early o’clock on January 1st, 2013.

When we got to the river, the sun was coming out and it seemed like a great day for a swim:

We gathered around and slowly de-layered ourselves in preparation (well some of us did. Others of us who are totally badass just took it all off way ahead of time and told the cold to SUCK IT):

Some of us prayed:

OK, that was actually a diving pose, but it looks like praying and honestly, the old fogeys among us were praying silently for the water rescue boats to show up because at dive time, this is what we saw (NO BOATS! WTF?):

Then the dark clouds started to form in the background:

It started raining and we decided that there was no reason to wait around in the rain, getting cold and wet. If we were going to get cold and wet, it was going to be on OUR TERMS, DAMMIT! So we jumped:

We depended on others to rescue us from the freezing water, because there is no getting out without help (photo by @burghbaby):

And when it was over, we were happy, albeit cold (photo by @burghbaby):

Thanks to @burghbaby for her photos, and to Crappy Dad (who is decidedly un-crappy) for taking photos with my camera.