An Actual Conversation I Actually Had with an Actual Pizza Shop Employee


Saturday night I got home later than I had planned, so mr b and I decided that instead of cooking, we would order some sandwiches from one of the local pizza shops. The exchange between me, my husband and the pizza shop employee has proven my hypothesis that some people are just too stupid for words. I swear to you – this actually happened!

Me: Hi, I’d like to order a whole mushroom cheesesteak with lettuce, tomatoes and dressing…

Pizza Shop Guy: Ummmm…..

Me: Hello?

PSG: Yeah, um…I’m not finding that on the menu.

Me: Huh?

PSG: Yeah – I don’t know what that is.

Me: A cheesesteak.

PSG: Yeah. We don’t have that.

Me: ?????

PSG: Hello?

Me: You don’t have cheesesteaks? The thing we order all the time?

PSG: I don’t see it here.

Me: You do have cheesesteaks.

PSG: Um…OK…what do you want, then?

Me: a whole mushroom cheesesteak with lettuce, tomatoes and dressing…

PSG: Dressing?

Me: Yeah – Italian dressing.

PSG: OK. A salad with steak and dressing and lettuce.

Me: Yeah, and I also need…Wait, what? Not a salad.

PSG: You said dressing.

Me: On my cheesesteak.

PSG: Your what?

Me: Cheesesteak!

PSG: I can’t find that on the menu. We don’t have that.


PSG (now getting pissy because I am stupid): I’m sorry but it’s not on the menu and I don’t know what that is!

Me: You don’t know what a cheesesteak is?

PSG: It’s not on our menu.

Me: It IS on your menu, and it’s a sandwich! A Hoagie! With steak and cheese!

PSG”: Oh, OK – what do you want on that?

Me: Mushrooms, lettuce, tomatoes and dressing.

PSG: OK, that doesn’t come with mushrooms.

Me: I am asking you to put them on! Please!

PSG: Cheese hoagie with lettuce, tomatoes…

Me: NO! Not a cheese hoagie! A cheesesteak hoagie. With mushrooms and lettuce and dressing. And steak and cheese!

PSG: I don’t think we have that.


At this point, I handed the phone to mr b so I could get my shoes on, drive down there and beat this jackass senseless.

Mr b: Hello?

PSG: I can’t find that on the menu.

Mr b: We order from you guys all the time. You DO have this on the menu.

PSG: I don’t think we do.

Mr b: Are you new? Is there someone else that can talk to me?

PSG: If you can hang on for a few minutes.

Mr b: Really? OK – listen – this is what we want: a whole mushroom cheesesteak with lettuce, tomatoes and dressing…

PSG: Um…

Mr b: OMG

PSG: Yeah – I’m not sure if we can make that.

Mr b: Seriously, are you new?

PSG: I’m new here, but I have been in this business for a while.

Mr b & Me: HEADS EXPLODE!!!!!

About sugarmag

Forty-sdjhfkjsdhfkjsdh year old mom of 2 - a 18 year old boy and a 11 year old girl. I love them very much, but they drive me crazy. I'm married and work full-time. I'm not sure which of these is the most exhausting, but probably the husband. I'm opinionated. I'm outspoken. I'm loud. I'm an over-sharer. I think Tom Cruise is a jackass. I like to say jackass. I like to swear, period. Fuckers. I love to read. I struggle with my weight. I love my job. I dress my pets up and ridicule them regularly. I am not afraid to cut my hair and I don't understand people who are. I hate getting old. I love to laugh. Make me laugh, OK?

10 responses »

  1. This is me, posting a comment, that isn't spam, to put a smile on your face. Also, I'd have invented through-the-phone-bitchslapping if that happened to me.

  2. Marlboro Newport Cigarettes is one of the cigarette brand which grew significantly and in 1975 it overtook Winston to become the NO.1 brand in the U.S. and by 1982 Marlboro Lights had established itself as the NO.1 selling low tar cigarette. Marlboro Lights is a classic version of Marlboro, despite being a light Cheap Newport Cigarettes, it has a nice smoke density, a fair nicotine hit and very sweet taste.

  3. I am SO sorry. So very, very sorry. I seriously worry that when we really start teaching to the test in schools and taking away EVERYone's creativity that it will be even worse. Not to depress you further.Did you actually get your correct order at some point?

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