Let’s talk about the eagles. No, not those Eagles. Or those Eagles – I never want to talk about them. No – I’m talking about the pair of bald eagles that have nested in the city of Pittsburgh. One of the local news channels heard about them and set out to get photos. I can’t blame them – bald eagles are pretty awesome. Bald eagles nesting within city limits? Badass awesome. So, anyway, the news channel gets a good shot of the eagles, and then links to the story on facebook. The story went something like this: “bald eagles nesting….blah blah majestic…blah blah…endangered…blah blah…on the South Side…” Wait, what? Did you just tell all of the internet where a pair of endangered, majestic eagles can be found? Because if I would have written the story, it would have been more like this: “A pair of bald eagles have nested in the city, but we won’t be telling you where, because only about 10% of you (at best) are able to be trusted with this information. The rest of you are idiots and/or assholes and have no business knowing where these eagles are, lest you endanger them any more than they already are. Got it? Actually? You know what? Never mind. There are no eagles. I was wrong – they were turkey vultures. Nothing to see here. Move along.”
But they did tell, and then people started going on Eagle Watch. So, now as a follow-up, another news channel has posted a story, which includes some rules from the Game Commission, letting people how to behave around bald eagles. Most of these rules involve STAYING THE HELL AWAY FROM THE EAGLES. Actually, between you and me, they strongly encourage being responsible, keeping your distance from the eagles, refraining from making noises, sudden movements, and – if possible – not even being seen by the birds. But, as previously mentioned, 90% of us are idiots/assholes, and must be told in 8 different ways to not be idiots and assholes. One of these ways included the following: “Don’t tell everyone about a new eagle nest. It will attract people to nesting areas who will not use proper etiquette and other unnecessary attention to a nest.” Which was absolutely priceless right next to a detailed satellite map, showing everyone where they can find the eagles.