Category Archives: movies

Random Shit Monday

Standard

There was a truck in front of me the other day that had stickers on it that made it look like there were bullets holes all over fake bullet holes all over the tailgate. I truly do not get this. I am just not sure why this guy wants to say to the world, “I am such a huge asshole that someone SHOT AT ME” I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that he also had fucking hitch balls. For those of you asking what hitch balls are, here you go. Classy. I couldn’t tell for sure, but I’d be wiling to bet there was a mullet involved. I’ll bet the guy has to beat the ladies of with a stick, because he is clearly quite a catch.

**********

I saw that truck in the drive-thru line at McDonald’s while I was getting some morning caffeine. You know what I really hate? People who blow their horn in the McDonald’s drive-thru line. I understand that you are in a very important hurry, but do you not realize that we have no control over our speed here? The poor guy at the window is just waiting for his McMuffins and there you are, three cars behind him, blowing your goddamned horn. In MY ear. Stop it.

**********

We rented some movies from redbox this weekend, and I have to say, Dear Baby Jesus – thank you for redbox. I am serious – they are cheap, and best of all, I don’t have to deal with the idiot working at the video store. I know netflix is cool, too, but really, if it involves stamps and mailboxes, I will fuck it up. Redbox is much easier for me.

Anyway, we watched Bolt, What Just Happened, and The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. I didn’t expect to like Bolt, but I did. I think I was biased, since two of the main characters were voiced by Miley Cyrus and John Travolta, and I don’t like either one of them. So I was prepared not to like the movie. But it turned out it was pretty damned funny.

I think What Just Happened is one of those movies that is really for Hollywood. Because I think that anyone in the film industry probably found it uproariously funny, but for the rest of us, it was just one inside joke after another. I just didn’t really get it.

**warning, spoiler-y**The Boy in the Striped Pajamas was a weird one for me. I was prepared to love it, but it just kid of missed for me. I liked it most of the way through (for as much as you can like a movie about the holocaust). Other than the fact that the boy from the camp was not only way too robust, but actually had full-on chubby cheeks, it was engaging and somewhat interesting. But the end ruined it for me. I think I was supposed to be heartbroken by it, but I wasn’t. don’t get me wrong, it was sad. But the overall horror of the holocaust is so overwhelming that it is hard to feel sympathy over this one “accidental” death. I mean, I guess that was the whole point of the movie that the holocaust was horrible. But you don’t rally need to kill off an innocent German boy to prove it to me. I know already. Six million dead Jews and 5 million other dead ethnic and religious minorities, disabled people, homosexuals, and free-thinkers (or more) pretty much make it clear without this contrived story that I felt was intended to pull at my heartstrings. It simply didn’t. in fact, although the boy was likable and I felt bad, I still found myself thinking, “well, boo-fucking hoo”

I know that the movie was critically acclaimed, but I just can’t get on board with the rave reviews. I didn’t hate it, I don’t think it was a bad movie, but I just couldn’t help being disappointed in the end (and don’t think I expected a happy ending, because there are none in this subject matter). I broke my own rule and saw the movie without reading the book and that may have made it worse. Reading about the book, I think I would have appreciated the slight differences. The movie, though, left me feeling…I don’t know…weirdly uncaring. Maybe that makes me cold, I don’t know. But Schindler’s List made me cry. Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl made me cry. Inheritance made me cry. Forgotten Holocaust made me cry. The Holocaust made me cry. Survival in Auschwitz made me cry. Night made me cry. Every single book I have read on the subject made me cry. Visiting Dachau made me an emotional wreck. But this movie just made me feel manipulated and underestimated.

****************

OK, so now, since I hate to end things on such a heavy note, I will talk about dogs.

When I was cleaning on Friday, I found a few large-ish chunks of black pet hair. Now, having a black dog and cat means that I am always finding hair floating around, sometimes even big tufts and tumbleweeds of it. But these were bigger than normal an I was a little concerned that one of the pets was having some sort of problem. Until Sunday when I saw this:

I know it’s not a great photo, so in case you can’t tell, that is a large chunk of fur missing from the dog’s back. one of several, in fact. Put that together with me being unable to find scissors Saturday and The Girl “helpfully” telling me exactly where they were, and I think we all know what happened here. I guess she has moved on from putting eyeshadow on him.

Also – Puppy! (not mine, just “borrowed” for a little while from Rapunzel)

Lazy, Carefree Friday

Standard

Every June when Awesome Company starts up summer hours, I think about all the fun things I am going to do on Friday afternoons. I work the extra hour Monday through Thursday, so I get done at 11:30 on Friday. That gives me almost an entire day to do things by myself. Yay me!

Except, inevitably, I find myself looking around the house all morning as I work, thinking about the mess and how I should clean it. Or thinking about the groceries we need. Or thinking about how the kids would love to go swimming. And then I don’t do any of the fun things I planned. The past few years, I have occasionally spent the day shopping or reading in the park, but that’s because I worked in the office and didn’t have top look at the mess all morning. This year, I was given the option of working from home on Fridays, which is a blessing and a curse.

Anyway, this past Friday, I finally said fuck it – fuck the mess, fuck the groceries – and went to a movie. Can I say that – to me at least – going to the movies all by myself is probably the most heavenly, wonderful thing in the entire world? And that’s saying something because I have experienced a) chocolate, b) sex, and c) mind altering drugs. While I think part of it is just who I am – my psychological makeup – I think a good bit of my love for solitude comes from being an only child. I grew up with no siblings that I had to share my space or time with, and busy – though attentive – parents.

Years of practice at being by myself as a child made me into an adult who loves nothing more than an empty house, a or a quiet room and a good book, or a barely sold theater and an entertaining movie. OK, and maybe some booze.

So on Friday, I talked to my mom who said that she was going to pick the kids up after day care and take them shopping, and decided that since I didn’t have to rush anywhere, I was going to run some errands and then see a movie afterwards. Yay – a lazy, carefree day alone. I didn’t care what I saw – I figured I’d get there and choose whatever was showing next. It was about the going to the movie more than the movie itself. Anyway, the next thing showing was Swing Vote, so that’s what I saw. I liked the movie a lot. And I discovered something about myself: I clearly like rednecks. I mean – I have seen Kevin Costner in every movie he’s made and never once have I thought, mmmm. But trash him all up and put him in a trailer? Hoo-boy! Seriously – what the hell?

When the movie was nearing the end, I heard my phone vibrating. I checked to see who it was and it was my mother. I ignored it. The she called again. And again. I still ignored it because I knew it wasn’t an emergency, since the kids weren’t with her yet, nor did she leave a voice mail. Plus the movie would be over in a few minutes and I could call her back. Also – I know my mother and just because she is calling multiple times doesn’t mean that it’s urgent. It just means that she is crazy. She expects to be answered and answered at her convenience. I’m used to this. Starting from when I went away to college, my mom would call. And if I wasn’t there she would call again. And again. And then when she finally did reach me, her greeting was generally an irritated “Where were you?” or a wounded “I’ve been trying to call you!”

It used to irritate me, but I’m pretty much used to it by now and I usually respond with silence and wait for her to tell me what it is she wants. If I react, it will become and issue. If I treat it with the reaction it deserves – none – then she will feel the need to fill the silence and just tell me what she wants already.

Anyway, I was a little frustrated after the movie from a combination of things. The annoying repeat calls for one. And the seat kicker behind me (an adult no less – these people should have their legs ripped off and shoved up their asses). Plus the group of moviegoers who complained loudly at the end of the film and announced that they deserved their money back because “they didn’t tell you who he voted for.” WTF?? It’s not important who he voted for! It’s not the point of the movie, you mental midgets! Seriously – we’re they planning on basing their November vote on the outcome of the movie. If that’s the case: Dear Outraged Moviegoers, He voted Democrat. Trust me. Love, Gina.

As I was saying, I was a bit irritated, so when I got the “where were you”, I answered that I was in a movie. Then we had to go through the deaf thing, which involves a lot of yelling and “where?” and “The movie!” and “whose house?” and “The MOVIES!!” This is always fun. Then once she understand that part, she asks why I am not working. I explain that I am off, just like I have been every summer Friday afternoon for the last 11 years. Next she asks if I took the kids. No – they are at daycare. Then who did I go to the movies with?!?! I love the suspicion. But then I remember the not looking behind a door unless you have hidden there yourself thing and I think “fuck it”.

When I tell her that I went by myself, she responds with a “You went to the movies by yourself???, as if I just told her I was giving out free blow jobs on the corner of Lincoln and Lemington. Then she proceeds to tell me that she is not in fact, taking the kids shopping that night. This, of course, would be my fault, because I somehow didn’t make the instructions for picking them up clear to her. Or some other such nonsense. Translated, this actually means that I wasn’t at her beck and call, then followed up with the cheeky being myself/doing my own thing and not her puppet behavior, thus shattering her fragile mood and now she didn’t feel like going. So suddenly, I went from leisurely afternoon to I have to rush home and get the kids now. In her defense, she offered to pick them up for me, but I wasn’t in the mood to visit when I picked them up from her so I turned her down, ran out of the theater, skipped the delicious iced green tea I was planning on getting, and hurried back home.

Man – I love those lazy, carefree days alone.

Movies

Standard
This weekend, mr b got the kids’ closets done. I was thrilled, thinking that it was the best weekend ever, since I could finally get the seven bajillion loads of laundry put away. That is, until about the 3rd load, at which time “the best weekend ever” involved having finished closets, plus some sort of laundry elves or gnomes or fairies who would actually do it for me. So, it didn’t all get done, but I am making steady progress.

In between making 12 billion trips up and down the stairs and calling my washing machine a bitch, I watched movies.

I took the kids to see Horton Hears a Who. It was pretty cute. I love Dr. Seuss, so I was hoping to love the movie. Not quite loved, but I liked it. It just seemed like there was something missing for me – that special quality you see in a Dinsey or Pixar movie that makes you want to see it again. Or maybe it was just that Dr. Seuss is more charming in book form. I don’t know. But at least it wasn’t the flaming ass that is the live action Seuss films, so I’ll still give a B. It was cute. And speaking of cute – after the movie was over, the girl told me that she thought Jojo Who was “handsome”:

Great – that kid looks like trouble. I’m sure her dad will be thrilled when she brings home some moody little emo punk. Oh, and also – between admission, lunch, drinks and popcorn, I spent approximately 17 thousand dollars

We also watched August Rush, which the boy has been wanting to see. Meh. I know I was supposed to find it heartwarming, but to be honest I thought that kid was creepy. Actually, for the first 30 minutes, I was sure he was mentally challenged. After I figured out that he was not, I found him creepy, what with the weird-ass “conducting” of buses and garbage and subway exhaust. And while I can buy musical genius and being able to immediately play instruments by ear, I was totally not buying the 45 seconds from “these are notes” to the Rain Man symphony writing. The preposterousness of the forged adoption papers thing was just too much. And the whole thing with his mother and the “I hear him” crap – bleh. Maybe it would have been a little more believable if they had shown a little of it, but of course then it would have been nine hours long and I already want at least 30 minutes of it back, so no. The only really good part was that it had some cool music and that Jonathan Rhys Meyers is sexy. Mmm.

By far, the best movie I watched this weekend was on cable – Can’t Stop the Music. Disco with a side of cheese, topped with gay sauce. Who wouldn’t love that?

And I’ve decided – I’m totally going to live out this movie. I plan on writing songs about the Days Inn in Asheville, Coke Zero and my dog’s ass and I will head out into the streets to throw together a “band”. But since a) the construction worker and cop are cliché, b) I just can’t abuse a soldier in that fashion, c) peta wouldn’t approve of the leather guy, d) Trace Adkins and Kix Brooks are already taken, so the cowboy is out, and e) you just don’t see too many full headdress-wearing Native Americans on Forbes Avenue these days, I’m thinking:

– UPS delivery man
– Priest
– Former dotcom bigwig now working as administrative assistant
– Homeless guy
– Podiatrist
– Fidel Castro (since he’s free and all)

What do you think? Is this not the perfect plan?

Because seriously. Who wouldn’t want to recreate the genius that gave us this:

And this:
And this:
And this:
And this:
Hey – what do you expect from a girl who wore velvet knickers and headbands