Category Archives: swearing

Things I Have Learned

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I have learned that, as my family always used to say, Little Pitchers Have Big Ears. Especially when you are swearing, almost swearing, making stupid potty jokes about the dog’s ass, or telling horribly embarrassing stories. To wit:

While watching old episodes of The Office (at 1:48 minutes in):

She slowly looks at the TV, then at me, then the TV, then me. And with a totally puzzled look on her face, “What the HELL are they doing?”

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After picking up her and a friend from pre-school:

The Girl: “Look mom! I got candy! I’m having some!”

Me: “You can have one piece. One. Piece. Only.

The Girl: “I know, I know, lay off the freaking candy!

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With family:

The Girl: “I see Rocky’s anus all the time. Anus. Anus. Blah blah blah anus blah blah anus anus ANUS !”

Me: “Haha, OK, that’s enough.”

The Girl: “ Rocky has an anus and Dad has an anus and brother has an anus, but I don’t have one and you don’t have one.”

Me: “That’s a penis!”

Family members: “oh my”

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In front of snooty people that seem to hate me:

The Girl: “Hey Mom! Remember the time you pooped in a bag?”

Me: crawls into hole and dies.

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