Category Archives: Tastefully Simple

A Crack, Crackful Things and Things in the Sky


I recently noticed a chip and small crack in my windshield, but I have no idea where it came from. I had an appointment to get it fixed next Saturday, but this weekend, I was driving and it got bigger right before my eyes, so I had to get an earlier appointment. The good thing is that they come to you. The bad thing is that my office had a private valet-parked garage (normally a very, very good thing), that won’t allow the glass company come in and fix it. So I am working from homer and waiting for them to arrive. They’ve given me a convenient appointment time window of “the buttcrack of dawn – the stroke of midnight”. So consider me unshowered for the duration, since I chose to sleep in an extra 45 minutes this morning (woo-HOO – six AM!!).


I went to a Tastefully Simple party the other day. They should call them Crackfully Spendy parties, because that shit is expensive. The “crackfully” part comes in when (after you see the prices and swear to Tom Cruise that there is no way you’re buying that shit) you start tasting stuff and the money magically starts flying out of your wallet.

Their big spiel is that “everybody eats” and that “all the products are affordable – between $5 and $10.” It’s true – everything (except for the multi-packs) was between $5 and $10. Sounds good, right? Sure, until you realize that a 10-ounce bottle of barbeque sauce is $8.99. Sure, it’s delicious, but not seven dollars more delicious than Sweet Baby Ray’s (that you get almost twice as much of).

I did stick to my guns about buying stuff I could elsewhere, but I went a little overboard with the Prickly Pear Cooler. But oh my Jebus, that stuff is the nectar of the gods. And apparently it has nicotine or crack or Prozac in it because I bought four canisters. And I haven’t even gotten them yet, but I am thinking I should get some more. Crack, I tell you.

(update –I just checked the website and found out it will only be available until September. Note to self: Start stockpiling immediately!!)


I would have posted this yesterday, but being April Fool’s Day, you would have all thought was joking. But it was really windy on my drive home and there were all kinds of things flying around past the goofwagon’s windows. I saw, among other things, many garbage cans and lids, plastic bags (oh my Al Gore, those pissed me off), newspapers (ditto), a huge black tarp flying around completely unfurled, a flag with the pole still attached, and a trampoline. Now, I know – except for the trampoline, those are all pretty believable. But about a mile or so from home, hurtling across my windshield and around the side of my car – inches from the window – was a full grown, live, flapping about, male TURKEY. I shit you not.


So, I saw a UFO on Monday night. Ok, not really. But I saw something weird in the sky. I was driving home from the crack party and I happened to look up at the sky and what looked like a firework ember. It was green and it was coming down at a step angle, then it just faded out. My first thought was that some fool was setting off fireworks, but it was only one ember – not a bunch like there would be with fireworks. I know there are smaller ones, like bottle rockets, etc, but they still have more than one spark or ember and besides – this was too big to be that.

It looked more like a shooting star, except a) it was much larger and closer, b) it was angling down instead of across the sky and c) it was green. I just assumed it was some sort of strange astronomical/atmospheric combination – a meteorite that looked green because of atmospheric conditions, maybe. I checked the news and the papers and didn‘t see anything about such an occurrence, though (and in fact – there have been such things before). I sent an email to a local astronomy society because I’m geeky like that and plus – its driving me crazy. I expect the Men in Black to show up at my door at any moment.

No – I really don’t. Even though it’s more fun to tell people I saw a UFO, I know there is probably a reasonable explanation. Although. . .