Friday 5: Multimedia

I have been blogging a little more regularly lately and I want to keep it up. But I’m extra work busy (damn work interfering with my fun) and don’t have a lot of time. Thus, a Friday 5.

1. What Rolling Stones song best summarizes the week you just had?

Back to Zero. Because there is someone in my life that I love who continues to disappoint me. And every time we get together, I start to feel like things are picking up – that maybe this person is OK after all. And then they show that hurtful side of themselves to me and it’s right back to zero.

2. What movie reminds you most of your childhood?

Hmmm. I can’t come up with one, really. I’m sure after I hit publish I will think of a ton. As for my teen years, it would be Spanglish. Remember that scene when the mother goes shopping and buys her daughter a bunch of new clothes? And the daughter is really excited? And then in the next instant is devastated because the mother bought them a size too small because she hoped the daughter would lose weight? Yeah.

3. What part of the newspaper do you never (or almost never) read?

Sports. I will watch sports, but I never read about them afterwards. Unless there is a “human interest” aspect to the story, I don’t care about scores or stats, or any of that.

4. What television show is a lot better than you thought it would be?

Dude – I love TV. If it distracts and even slightly entertains me, I’m in.

5. What station is the radio nearest you set on at this moment?

There isn’t a radio anywhere near me, actually. I don’t think we have a working radio anywhere in the house.

Friday 5: On This Date

1. On March 6, 1869, Dmitri Mendeleev presented the first Periodic Table of the Elements to the Russian Chemical Society. What memories do you have of your high-school chemistry course?

I loved Chemistry in high school. I was good at it too, but being…well…me, there were mishaps. Because I am an “experimenter.” As in, if this much of this chemical makes that reaction, I can’t wait to see what THIS MUCH does! At one point there were flames shooting from the sink drain. The most vivid memories I have from chem class are:

-The time there was a lice outbreak in school and I wrapped my head in paper towels before putting on the shared goggles. I was afraid there were lice lingering in the strap.

-The time, during our big long-term independent projects (mine was on acid rain – how old am I?), a janitor inadvertently waxed the classroom floor and I slipped as I was carrying two beakers of acid. They spilled all over me and burned my arms and the teacher (who happened to be a sub that day) grabbed an aloe plant that was part of my friend’s project and sliced it open and rubbed it all over my arms before sending me to the nurse. My friend just stood there moth agape, wondering what the fuck he was going to do about his ruined project.

If this had been about college chemistry, you would have read about the time I almost burned down the science building and the time I stripped down in front of the entire class under the emergency shower.

2. On March 6, 1899, the Bayer company registered aspirin as a trademark. When did you last take medication for pain?

Are we taking over-the-counter? Because that happens almost every day. Prescription would be a couple of years ago for a root canal. Most prescription painkillers make me very sick, so I avoid them unless absolutely necessary.

3. On March 6, 1853, Giuseppe Verdi’s opera La Traviata premiered in Venice. How do you feel about opera?

It’s quite moving to see an opera live, but I am not one to listen to it otherwise. But when I do hear it, I enjoy it. I have been to the opera a few times, and would go again if someone gave me tickets or invited me along, but I wouldn’t necessarily seek them out.

4. On March 6, 1947, American film director Rob Reiner (Meathead!) was born. Which of these Reiner-directed films have you seen, and what do you think them?

* The Bucket List (2007) didn’t see it

* Rumor Has It… (2005) didn’t see it

* Alex & Emma (2003) didn’t see it

* The Story of Us (1999) didn’t see it

* Ghosts of Mississippi (1996) liked it

* The American President (1995) it was ok

* North (1994) it was ok

* A Few Good Men (1992) eh

* Misery (1990) loved it

* When Harry Met Sally… (1989) loved it

* The Princess Bride (1987) loved it

* Stand by Me (1986) loved it

* The Sure Thing (1985) I only remember that I saw this in my small town theater with my friend Tee

* This Is Spinal Tap (1984) loved it

5. On March 6, 1972, American basketball-player Shaquille O’Neal was born. How do you feel about basketball?

Basketball is a fun sport to watch, but I can’t get into it on TV. Mainly because we don’t have a pro team here and it’s hard to give a shit. I will follow Pitt’s games but rarely ever watch them on TV. I loved SpaceJam, though – does that count?

Friday 5: Lucky (and more pretending it’s still Christmas)

First off – don’t forget to enter the giveaway for the Coldstone Creamery contest. It’s open until Saturday. And there’s a new one today.

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1. Among people you know, who seems to be lucky in love?

Holy shit, I can’t think of anyone – how sad is that. I mean, I know people who seem happy, but most of my friends and relatives are – while not necessarily unhappy – basically just OK. I don’t think I know anyone (well) who is ,wildly happy and in love. I figure it’s partly because we, as women, tend to vent with each other, so we hear about the crappy stuff a lot. And also because I am really jaded.

2. Among people you know, who seems to be lucky with money?

Again – hahahahahahahahahahaha!

3. Among people you know, who’s lucky to be alive?

Mr. B, without a doubt. For those of you who didn’t know me back when, in August of 2004, mr b was in an accident on the job. He fell off a roof and shattered both heels. There were surgeries and lots of rehab and way too long a stay in a nursing home and hospital beds and portable toilets and months of wheelchair confinement, and a period of time where he couldn’t even ride in a car (and thank god for some friends who owned a wheelchair fitted van), and depression, and me all alone with an infant and a young child, and crutches and walkers and canes. And it was awful. Here’s some of what I wrote about it back then:

“5 Seconds. That’s about how long it took from the shift of the plywood and the man on the ground. He was squatting on a steep roof, putting down the plywood and he simply started sliding. There was no fault, no trip, no loss of balance, just a sudden sense of movement and he was going over. He fell straight down and landed square on his feet. He’s lucky not to be paralyzed. He’s lucky to be alive. I’m lucky. But it still sucks. Gravity worked and he fell and things changed.”

So that pretty much answers that.

4. Among people you know, who seems to have the worst luck?

Any of my sisters-in-law will do – go ahead, pick one. Those poor women have all been through the wringer at times.

5. What kinds of good-luck charms do you own or carry?

None – I’m not particularly superstitious. Although I used to consider myself pretty lucky. I have won quite a few radio contests and a few big raffles when I was a kid. But that luck seems to have burned itself completely out now.

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OK, today’s giveaway is for the girls – the little ones, that is. Just in time for Valentine’s Day, I have an assortment of Valentine stickers, crafts, , some Valentine colored bath confetti and sparkly little notebooks, as well as a tiny High School Musical keyboard and a couple of princess crafts.

Leave me a comment and tell me if you are a Valentine’s Day celebrator, or if – like me – you couldn’t give a particular shit.

I’ll keep it open until Monday.

Friday 5: Keeping it Positive

1. What’s your favorite thing about the shoes you’re wearing (or the shoes you were most recently wearing)?

It just so happens that I am wearing my favorite shoes, ever, and I love them for so many reasons. I guess my favorite would be that they make me taller. I love big ol’ platform shoes, especially since many jeans companies recently decided that “average” is three inches taller than they used to. Seriously – I have talked to people in a couple of stores about their jeans and last year, they all added inches to average ;length jeans. Not to petite or tall, just to average. And since the petite were too short to begin with, I can’t wear those. And the average that were just right are now way too long. So the only way I can wear them is to either a) with regular shoes, which frays the hem because it drags on the ground (and also I look like a jackass), b) have them hemmed, which looks like hot ass, or c) wear tranny shoes. C it is!

2. What’s your favorite thing about the people you work with (or the people you go to school with)?

I’m quite lucky – I work with awesome people (mostly). I truly like my coworkers. It’s hard to say there is one thing I like the most, because we are all different. I’d have to say that because of the type of work we do, everyone here is smart. This means there is always interesting conversation. And most everyone has a similar sense of humor. But also – they are fun and kind and caring and silly and generous and dependable and helpful and generally a bunch of good folk.

3. What’s your favorite thing about the climate where you live?

The changing seasons. We get four very distinct seasons here and I love it. I especially love the beautiful falls. And I love having lots of snow in the winter (so get cracking, Mother Nature!). Don’t get me wrong – there are times I complain about the heat of summer or the cold of winter, but if I moved north or south and didn’t have those, I would miss it.

4. What’s your favorite thing about Friday?

Is this a trick question? Because, duh!

5. What’s your favorite thing about the year coming to an end?

Hmm…I don’t know if I have a favorite thing. I guess I’d have to say that it’s that I love the Christmas season. Otherwise, one year is like the next. In fact, the end of the year is also a reminder that I am getting older my parents are getting older, my kids are growing up. I don’t like that part so much.

Friday Five: Childhood Indulgences

1. When did you last have a mid-day nap?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh wait. You’re serious? Really? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OK, let’s see. I’d say probably sometime in1996 when I was pregnant with my first child.

2. When did you last have milk and cookies?

I can’t even remember. I have had cookies very recently, but the milk not so much. I actually like milk, but never really drink it. And I don’t care for milk and cookies. I like milk, I like cookies, but together – blech. And don’t even get me started on the heinous practice of dunking. Gag!

3. When did you last have a bubble bath?

Two weeks ago – it was the last real bath I took before that hugely expensive asshole motherfucker of a water heater died for good. Fucker.

4. When did you last jump on the furniture?

I jumped on the bed in the hotel in Disney out of sheer excitement.

5. When did you last play in the mud?

Does falling in the mud count? If so – about a month ago. Otherwise – I have never been much of a mud girl. Dirt, maybe, but not mud.

Friday? Five

Yeah, yeah, it’s Sunday, not Friday. But I had lots of things to do, like eat leftovers and decorate and drink heavily, so I’m a little late. Sue me.

Friday Five: Over

1. What’s a profession you believe to be overpaid?

Without a doubt, professional athletes. Don’t get me wrong – I like sports. I watch sports. I go to sporting events. But holy hell am I sick to death of the whole damned lot (minus a few) of rich fucking crybabies. These men (yeah, sexist, I know, but let’s face it, it’s men making the big buck), well actually, boys in most cases are doing what millions of other boys would give their left nut to do and getting highly paid to do it. And the fuckers are beating up (or killing) their women, driving drunk, taking drugs, cheating on their wives, shooting their dumbass selves, getting in fights in bars, and just being generally despicable. And a good many of them can no more use even passable grammar than they can perform surgery.

I know it makes me sound old (which I am), but it’s hard to compare these guys with the athletes of the 60s and 70s who were in the sport for the love of the game, who had to educate themselves so they could be something after retirement other than a retired overpaid athlete. The ones who are actual surgeons. And motivational speakers and business owners and community leaders and state delegates and engineers and real estate developers and stockbrokers and authors and investment bankers .

2. Who’s a musician you believe to be overrated?

This is a hard one, because at first, ten jillion names come to mind, but I realized that in most cases, it’s probably not that they are overrated, but that I just don’t appreciate their musical styles. So I had to narrow it down to those whose style of music I like, but just not them. Even doing that is hard – I have never cared for the Stones or Springsteen, but I don’t know if I can really say they are overrated, because I can appreciate their contributions to the musical world. And really, I think I just don’t care for them. Maybe Lucinda Williams – mr b loves her and I like some of her stuff, but after a while, it all sounds like the same bitching and moaning to me. Like she wants to be Neil Young but can’t quite pull it off.

3. What in your life could stand to be overhauled?

I couldn’t even begin to narrow it down. My house, my schedule, my weight, my closets, my physical fitness, my relationship with my husband, my wardrobe, my patience level. You name it, I need help with it.

What’s something interesting you recently overheard?

Cellphone conversation heard in line at w@l-mart: “I’m sick of your shit. You ain’t no kind of baby-daddy. You ain’t brought me no money like you said, but you damn sure got money to give that whore Sheila. Fuck you. This baby is five months old and you seen him three times. And now I gotta buy more fucking diapers. I don’t even have no money for no fucking weed. Fuck You! Yeah, I heard that before. Fuck you. Well, maybe this baby ain’t actually had to educate themselves ain’t even yours, asshole!”

5. Who is the most overextended person you know?

Do we mean time-wise? My friend Hedge. I lament being overextended, but then I realize that she is doing the same thing with the full-time job and the kids and the activities and the husband (sorry hedge – I mean “youth-ruiner”) and the house and the dog and so on, except that she’s doing it with one more kid than I have. Plus, one is a teenaged girl and another has a chronic illness.

Friday Five

Friday Five: Middles

1. What usually marks the middle of your day?

Lunch. I eat a late lunch on workdays, so the afternoon seems shorter and quitting time comes more quickly.

2. From whom (or to whom) was your most recent middle-of-the-night phone call?

That would be a call (or calls) to my husband made by me and my sisters-in-law from a party. Also known as drunk dialing. He is still pissed.

3. On what social, political, economic, or moral issue are you in the middle of the road?

Gun control. I grew up in a hunting family (though I could never hunt myself). I enjoy shooting sports (like target, skeet & trap shooting). But I can’t understand why there are people out there who actually believe that a waiting period is a bad thing, that unregulated gun shows are a good thing, and why anyone needs an automatic weapon.

4. How likely are you to give someone your middle finger?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Have you met me? And speaking of – I’m with this guy: Fuck you Proposition 8!!

5. When were you last caught in the middle of a disagreement that really had nothing to do with you?

Hmmm…I don’t know. I’m not sure whether to be happy that I avoided that drama or concerned that the drama has all involved me.

Friday 5: Animals

First off, I just want to say thanks to you guys for helping me out with the diabetes walkathon. Your generosity means a lot to me. I want to give you a big fat kiss – with tongue! Or, you know, if you’re not into that – a nice, firm handshake and a pat on the back. Regardless, the walk is tomorrow, and between your donations and a couple cash donations that I have, I am almost to my goal. I’m hoping I get there, but if not – it’s still a big boost for a very deserving cause so thanks – you guys are awesome.

Friday 5: Animals

1. What’s the cutest of the small, furry animals?

Puppies. No, kittens. No, chinchillas!

2. What predator impresses you the most?

Raptors of any kind – hawks, eagles, falcons, whatever. They are too cool. I want to be like them – flying around, all free and beautiful and then when I get hungry, just swoop down and snatch up a rabbit or something. Only instead of a rabbit, I’d snatch up a corn dog and a funnel cake.

3. After which animal will you name your professional sports team?

The Sloths. We won’t be particularly competitive or tough, but damn, will we be well rested.

4. What’s an unusual animal that you know a little something about?

The duckbilled platypus. In grade school, we had to do a report on an animal and that was the one I picked. Because hello? Duckbilled Platypus!

5. Your high school probably had some kind of mascot or symbol, but based on your
memories of it, what animal should REALLY have been the emblem?

Hmm. . .I mostly liked school, so I don’t know. There were a lot of dickheads though, so maybe the Cocks. Or the Boozehounds. Is that an animal? Because we drank a lot. Or maybe…let’s see…what animal does a lot of fucking?

Friday Five: Orange

1. What’s your favorite orange-colored food?

Dude – Cheetos.

2. What’s the best way to drink orange juice?

I don’t really drink OJ all that much – it gives me heartburn. But when I do, I like it either a) freshly squeezed and full of pulp, or b) mixed with alcohol.

3. Which candy’s orange-colored pieces taste best?

This is a hard one. I tend to not like orange-flavored candy. Oooo – I know – peach Jolly Ranchers – they are orange-colored, but not orange-flavored! Do they still make peach Jolly Ranchers? OMG – I don’t think they do and now I need some right now! Well, if that’s the case, then I’ll have to go with Jelly Bellys in cantaloupe. No – peach!

4. What are your feelings about orange soda?

I feel that orange soda is not what this country needs and that if we elect orange soda, it will be a terrible mistake and that we will be heading further down the path to destruction that we are currently on as a country. Oh wait – that’s John McCain, not orange soda. Anyway, Um…like John McCain, I don’t like orange soda.

5. When did you last wear an orange item of clothing?

Last week, I wore an orange shirt. I have quite a bit of orange in my warbrobe.

Friday Five: Stupidity

Friday Five: Stupidity

1. What’s something really, really stupid you’ve done that could easily have resulted in your own death?

I’ve done a lot of stupid things, but definitely I’d have to say drinking and driving. And you can’t imagine how it pains me to admit that. I’m ashamed and I should be. These days, I am a very adamant and vocal opponent of drinking and driving. I think people who do so are selfish, stupid assholes who deserve serious criminal charges and major jail time. But there was a time when I occasionally did it. I was young and stupid and invincible and “not that drunk.” Or so I thought. The last time I did it – many, many years ago, I remember driving home and actually seeing double. I had to close one eye to stay in my lane. And it scared the shit out of me. Now – I won’t drive if I have been drinking. I will occasionally have a beer or glass of wine or two over the course of the entire evening, but mostly I don’t drink at all if I have to drive. And I will fight you tooth and nail to make sure you don’t either. In fact, I don’t even really like being on the roads late at night on weekends or holidays simply because I know there area lot of people out there who “aren’t that drunk.”

2. What makes you feel stupid?

Not a lot, truthfully. I know I am not stupid and I don’t generally get my self-confidence (other than body image) from outside sources. Mostly, what makes me feel stupid is when I act impulsively and hurt someone’s feelings. Because speaking before you think is stupid. And lord know I have done it enough. And had it done to me. And it’s STUPID.

3. What’s something that’s stupid in a very smart way?

Men and their helpless bullshit. Mr b can build an entire house from the ground up, can replicate a piece of 18^th century piece of furniture that would fool all but an expert, and CAN DO ALGEBRA. But somehow he can’t manage to notice his underwear on the bathroom floor, wouldn’t know the kids’ homeroom number or class schedule if it were tattooed on his ass, or remember to CLOSE THE GODDAMN PACAKGE OF HAMBURGER BUNS FOR ONCE IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE!! Stupid? Or Genius?

4. What’s an example of a stupid idea working out in a way that solved a problem?

Dude. Two words – duct tape.

Otherwise, my stupidity usually stays stupid. Although, that one time when I was having an excruciating gallbladder attack and I begged my coworker to hit me on the head with a giant can of soup to knock me out? If she wouldn’t have pussed out and called 911, that would have fit perfectly. Stupid? Yes. But I would have been out cold and not feeling the pain anymore, so – Problem Solved.

5. There is apparently a brand of packaged popcorn called Smartfood. What might be found in the package labeled Stupidfood?

Probably all of my favorite stuff. Like Cheetos. And marshmallows. And Coke. And Twizzlers. And fried stuff. And cheese sauce. And rum. Mmmmm. . .rum.